Fool Me Twice
by ThirteenWishes
Summary: 'I know that I'll never be your knight in shining armor. I probably won't ever be your idiot in tin foil. But maybe, someday, you'll let me be part of your life. And right now, that's all I can ask for." Oneshot.


"Because he loves you."

I don't think that any words have ever hurt that much.

He doesn't love you. You might think that he does, but he doesn't. He certainly likes you, and he cares about you- he's not a bad guy, considering. And you love him.

No, I was wrong. Those words- _you love him_- are even more painful.

And you turn to him and smile and say, "I love you, too."

He never said it.

I lied to you.

And it's like you stabbed a knife through my heart with your words.

You don't know, you _can't _know, how much you hurt me. This was my plan, after all. I wanted this. And I will tell myself that over and over until I believe it.

All I want is for you to be happy, even if it means that I have my heart broken every damn time I see you two together. I want you to be happy, even if I have to tell you little white lies. I want you to think that he loves you, because that's what you want.

It's wrong, I know.

He doesn't love you.

And you love him.

You two are so wrapped up in each other that you don't even notice me slipping outside. He's too busy shoving his tongue down your throat and you're too busy crushing your lips against his to notice that I'm hurting.

And it's better this way.

It's better that you forget about me.

You moved on. Sometimes I don't think that I'll ever be able to do the same, because goddamn it, I really loved you.

You loved me, but not _that _much. You cared about me. You loved me.

But I don't think that you were ever as deeply, as truly _in _love with me as I was with you.

The remarkable thing about life is that it's never so bad that it can't get worse.

But every so often, life can get a little better.

I stand there, not sure if now is one of those times, and Fiona comes running out of the school, grinning from ear to ear. I swear the girl's psychic; it's like she can _feel _that my insane little plan worked.

Telling you that Jake loves you and getting you to say that you love him… well, that was more _spontaneous._

Fiona's face falls a little when she takes in my expression. "Oh, no. What happened?"

I put on my best brave face, my best poker face. I should have perfected this by now. "Nothing. They made up." My voice is _too _even and steady; damn it, _anyone _could tell I was faking.

I am _really _bad at that.

"Tell me what really happened," Fiona snaps, and I know that she's not above locking me back in that hellhole with those two lovebirds if I don't immediately do what she says.

I start to walk away a little, and she follows.

"She said she loved him," I mumble.

Fiona sighs. "You still love her, don't you?"

"Yeah. Sometimes I think that I always will."

She rests her hand on my shoulder in what is supposed to be a comforting gesture. "Did she forgive you?"

I shrug. "I didn't ask."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't deserve it."

"Eli. Don't make me call your therapist."

She's teasing now, trying to raise my spirits, and I know that Fiona is probably the truest friend I have at this point.

So I smile and give her the illusion that her words have made me feel better.

White lies.

They're going to come back and bite me in the ass someday.

Truthfully, though, I know that I'm not over you yet.

I'm going to stop trying to get you back, because I can tell it's hurting you, and I don't want that. For the longest time, I was angry. I blamed you. But I can't anymore, because it's not your fault, and it's not my fault. I'm bipolar. There is literally something wrong with me that I couldn't help. And now I'm on medication and I'm getting better.

I know that I'll never be your knight in shining armor. I probably won't even be your idiot in tin foil, either.

But when I told you that I was bipolar… I could see something in your eyes.

I'm not sure what it was. Maybe I was imagining it, just seeing what I wanted to see.

But maybe, someday, you'll let me be part of your life.

And right now, that's all I can ask for.

000

**A/N: Okay, if you don't like epically long rants, you might want to skip this part.**

**HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?**

**So Clare and Jake love each other now? And I'm not objecting to that because of Eli, even though you don't tell your boyfriend that you love him when your ex, who obviously still loves you, is sitting two feet away. I'm objecting to that because they've known each other for a month or something (the time he threw a dead frog at her doesn't count; something tells me they weren't exactly locking lips then) and they already love each other? Meanwhile, Clare never said that to Eli?**

**I AM CALLING DEGRASSI BULLSHIT ON THAT.**

**But I have hope, because in the new promo, Clare says "You're breaking up with me at **_**prom**_**?" Shit, that girl does **_**not **_**have a good track record with school dances, does she?**

**Vegas Night- boyfriend was almost stabbed**

**Spring Formal- boyfriend almost killed himself**

**And now prom. I actually feel really bad for her. Maybe she should just skip those things from now on.**

**But when Eli told her he was bipolar, she just gave him this look, like… I don't know, but it was like she cared. Like maybe, deep down, she still has feelings for him.**

**BUT. I have hope that Eli and Clare will, eventually, get back together, now that Eli's finally on meds and Clare and Jake are obviously not meant to be.**

**One can only hope.**

**I know that that exact dialogue didn't actually happen in the show, but… whatever. It's fanfiction. Thanks for listening to me rant my ass off.**

**I do not own Degrassi.**


End file.
